Kiss of rain
by Tomorrows Dust
Summary: Sirius walked out, he just stood up and walked away. The way out of this dark hellhole had the shape of a simple wooden door. Amazing. He didn't regret choosing Remus over his own family. Moony was already waiting for him in the rain. Definitely slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Kiss of rain**

By Tomorrows Dust

Disclaimer: I don't own Rowlings world. I'm a hostage of my own mind who makes me write stories in exchange for some room on the 'harddisc' for the more useless things in life, schoolwork and stuff like that.

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Sirius walked away. He didn't fight, he didn't scream. He just smiled a bit wearily, stood up and walked out.

_I've made up my mind._

It was the hardest thing he had ever done. The action in itself was quite simple, just putting one foot in front of the other, but it felt like he was being violently ripped apart step by step.

_You don't own me anymore. I have to get out now, because you're slowly killing me. _

Sirius wouldn't pretend that it didn't hurt, or that he wasn't scared, because he was, but now he realised that what he left behind of him that day was just dead weight that he'd been lugging around.

_I want to be free from this little voice inside my head always telling me that it's never good enough. That I'm never good enough._

It was a part of his identity that had crumpled a long time ago, but he'd been too scared to let go, and kept treasuring the dust as if it were diamonds.

_I tried, Lord knows I've tried to fit in, but you know what, I think I'll be happier off if I stopped, if I just stopped pretending._

When Sirius walked away, he blew the dust of the gem that had been hiding underneath.

_I don't think you've truly owned me for a very long time now and I have to tell you, I think I'm a better person for it. I'm walking out on you. _

Out of the room, through the hall, up the stairs as if wandering around in a dream. He felt terrified, absolutely scared out of his wits till the point of nearly crapping his pants, because the feeling of freedom was overwhelming.

_I've always desperately sought your approval. I wanted so badly for you to like me, to love me even. To hear just once that you were proud of me. It blinded me._

He was finally able to breath again and Sirius didn't even know what to do with all this air.

_I don't like who I've become. Who you've made me become. If this is the price I have to pay for my mothers love, then I'm not sure I'm willing to own up any longer. _

Sirius walked away from everything that he had ever know, that he had ever thought he wanted to be. He didn't know where he was going, but insecurity had never felt better. He calmly collected some of his most precious belongings and stacked them haphazardly in his trunk.

Waves of emotion kept crashing over him. Feelings of joy, fear, outrage, sorrow and relief followed each other up in quick succession, but he didn't shut them out or put them away, not anymore.

_I want to live, I want to actually feel alive. I'm leaving you behind now, because you don't have it in you to reach out to me and all you ever do is pull me down. It's such a relief to let you go. _

Down the hallway, past his silent brother, past the fuming portraits screaming insults at him, but nobody actively trying to stop him and somehow, that still hurt a little.

The way out of this dark hell-hole had the shape of a simple wooden door. Amazing. There was so much of him now, it was hard to contain himself. All his nerves were jumbling and singing. He never turned around to look back.

_I've made my choice. I've been thinking about it for a very long time and I'm glad you've made it this easy for me. I think that somewhere, deep down, you must've know what I would do once you forced me to choose. "You can't have both, we've indulged you far too long as it is. It's time to make your decision. The disgusting half-breed you call a friend, or your family, which one do you pick?" _

_I did love you, I suppose I still do in an oddly twisted way, but you're destroying me so perhaps there wasn't really ever any choice at all. I won't be back. _

The door fell shut behind him with a small click. This was it. He stepped outside as the rain poured from the sky and instead of making him sad, it elated him.

It kissed his face and plastered his clothes and his hair to his skin within several short moments. Sirius tilted his head back, a real and gentle smile adorning his face, as he let the cool and loving wetness cleanse him inside and out.

_The heaviness that had been bearing down on me for as long as I can remember went away the moment I stepped outside that door. It almost hurt that it turned out to be that easy. After everything, it just took one little step to be free. _

Alive, he felt so alive, it was exhilarating. Everything held so much more colour, so much more realness to it than before. He was blown away by it and it made his chest ache in an exquisite way. With a lightning struck amount of clarity he suddenly knew that he was going to be fine.

_Everything is going to be alright. _

Out of the blue Sirius felt like dancing in the streets, possessed as he was with wild joy, and when he realised that there was nothing holding him back, he did, and he laughed. He laughed until he cried because he'd broken out of the prison that he'd built for himself and the outside had never felt better.

_"I chose him mama." _

_I'm not sorry. _

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Remus wasn't in quite such a good mood. He had been curled up in his favourite armchair with a book when a sudden sense of wrongness had made itself known in the depth of his stomach.

_'What's going on, what's happening? Where's the danger', the wolf wanted to know._

Very briefly, a flash of gold showed in Remus's eyes, but he didn't even seem to notice that his tenant had woken up. All he knew was that something didn't feel right and he had a creeping suspicion that it involved one of his pack-mates.

Hurriedly, he dove into himself, to find the source of his current discomfort. With practised ease, he felt along the bonds that the wolf had created and in one short instant he knew.

_Sirius. Just one name echoed in my mind. Sirius. _

Remus was on his feet before he even realised it. His disregarded book tumbled to the ground with a loud thump in the otherwise silent house. Sirius's bond had been like a pathway of light in his mind, pulsing with many turbulent emotions, but the wolf picked up the one that he was most acquainted with. Fear. Instantly, Remus wanted to tear outside, to find his friend.

But even before he had reached the door he checked himself. Sirius lived all the way down in London and Remus was stuck in the bloody middle of nowhere because it helped diminish the chances of being discovered as a werewolf.

At least, that's what his parents always pretended. Personally, Remus thought that them putting their in seclusion during the time away from school had as much of a purpose of saving him from awkward questions and possible execution, as it was an excuse to never actually be at home.

_"Too far away from the rest of the world, you see and we're too busy to travel all the time. We're sure you understand." Yeah, I thought, I understand that even though I'm your son, you fear me for what lives inside me. I don't blame you. _

Anxious feelings were overturning Remus's stomach and he had a hard time sitting still as he settled himself on the threshold of the front door, the door wide open.

The rain came down in buckets, and gusts of lukewarm wind swept through the opening into the house, staining the simple wooden floor of the hallway with unattractive small puddles.

Remus didn't even register the fact that it rained, he simply focussed his straining eyes to watch the road, because he knew, he was pierced with the absolute faith that Sirius was on his way.

Remus was a great believer in rationality but he could not deny what his deep instincts sometimes told him, how he could understand or know things that he shouldn't. It was probably because of the wolf and it's strange quirks, but this wolfie-talent was one of the few that Remus didn't resent. Sirius would come. He could feel it.

_I always knew when Sirius entered the dorm, hell, I even knew the boy was coming long before he actually got inside the room. I could distinguish any of my friends by smell and by sound. Sirius was different though. He had a feeling to him, of warmth somehow, safety. I could always tell when he was close. _

Remus sat on the uncomfortable cold stone rig for a very long time, waiting. The only movements he made pertained to the blinking of his eyes, every once in a while.

He was tense, poised to undertake action at any possible moment. The wolf was silent in his mind. It was one of the first times that Moony and Remus weren't fighting each other for control.

Concern for Sirius was something that connected them both on a very elementary level. He was more important than anything else. The pack was their everything but even though it had never been spoken out loud, not even admitted in Remus's head, Sirius was more. More than pack, more than friend.

_"Mine," the wolf whispered. "Ours," I agreed. _

The feeling grew stronger, warmth tingled through the lightened path in Remus's mind. Sirius was close now. Even though they had only been parted a couple of weeks, something in Remus was soothed immensely by Sirius proximity. Incredible relief brushed over his heart, making his his nerves stand on edge with wonderful sensations.

It seemed like forever, but finally, there was a spot in the distance, distinguished by a curtain of rain. Remus didn't even need to think about it.

He jumped up, slightly more flexible than one could've hoped from sitting still for so long, and started down the path. He nearly went face down in the mud when he tried to jump over the low fence. The pins and needles in his legs were really not helping matters.

_'Real elegant, Lupin, well done.' I could have sworn the wolf was laughing._

Despite the 'smooth' encounter with the unlucky fence and the nasty throbbing in his legs, the feeling of warmth and security intensified with every step Remus took towards the hunched over dark blob in the distance. In an almost frenzied rush, Remus tore down the lane.

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Sirius decided that 'adventure' was highly overrated. Having very little money apparently gets you kicked of the Knight Bus before you've reached your destination. How informative, though not very helpful.

He sighed very deeply, pulled himself back together from his gloomy and self-pitieing mood and started to drag his trunk through puddle after puddle on the desolate road. A road that quite unfortunately wasn't paved. Where the hell had he ended up now?

_I felt vaguely horrified, the whole experience was like ending up in the Dark Ages. No pavement, no street lanterns, nothing. _

He could discern the Lupin cottage through the thick shower of rain and he was starting to get a bit nervous. Would Remus be home? Would he even want Sirius to be there, Remus had never invited any of his friends to his house. What would Remus's parents think?

_They'll probably shoot me on sight. That's what I would do myself if an untrustworthy (read: wet and dirty) looking fellow came to see my Remus. _

Then a particular frightening thought struck him. He was going to have to offer some kind of explanation for suddenly showing up and asking for a place to stay.

_Oh oh._

Somehow, Sirius didn't think that telling his friend that his witch of a mother had forced him to choose between Remus and his own family would do much for his self image, especially because seeing Sirius appear on the doorstep would explain enough about exactly whom he had chosen.

Remus was always unnaturally responsible and he would probably blame the whole situation on himself. Oh bugger, Sirius knew fully well that he couldn't tell a lie to save his life and especially not to those burning amber eyes. He was screwed.

_Remus had very pretty eyes, they were incredibly fascinating. They were always changing, even if Remus's face stayed as immovable as if it were carved out of marble, the gold would swirl and dance in those brilliant orbs. _

_Eyes that were going to tear into me, expose all my secret fears and desires and worse of all, he was going to see any lies I would come up with. I was beyond screwed. _

Sirius was torn from conjuring images of doom featuring Remus's reaction to him showing up, by some idiot doing a great imitation of a madman tearing down the road towards him at a truly amazing speed. Water was dripping in Sirius's eyes, so he didn't see quite clearly. Damn, the wheels of his trunk were stuck in a water-filled hole in the road. Again. It was maddening. He glared at it for a moment, and kicked it, just for good measure.

_I suddenly sensed that he was close. Remus always had this quiet presence, that screamed enormous strength and inner peace at the same time. I loved it. It never failed to draw me in. _

Sirius looked up from trying to glare his trunk into moving and found himself staring Remus right in the face as he came skidding to a halt.

He was flushed from running and panting hard. His jeans were covered in mud and his shirt stuck completely to his body because of the rain.

Sirius was momentarily speechless. How on earth had Remus known that he was coming and why did he have to look so damn fuckable?

_Oh dear, did I really just think that? _

"Hi," Sirius breathlessly offered. A little insecurity crept in his weak smile when Remus didn't answer, just held him captive in his gaze. Suddenly, Sirius was enveloped in a bear-hug.

Strong arms went around him, firmly pulling Sirius's cold wet body to a his own delicious warm one, both their hearts beating wildly, though only one of them could offer the excuse of excessive physical exercise. There was no need for words between them. 'I'm here, I've got you and I won't let you go. I won't let you fall,' Remus seemed to convey.

Sirius reacted hesitantly at first, but then wrapped his arms around his friend in turn, trying to get even closer. He had needed that reassurance, Sirius realized now.

_Remus was real, he was here and now everything was going to be fine. Not even Remus could make life perfect, but somehow, he always seemed to make things just a little better. _

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Authors notes: Of course, this is where I start begging for reviews. You can't resist my pouting face and puppy-dog eyes, so before you are completely melted into a puddle of goo, press that review-button and make my day. Seriously, I love all feedback and it makes me very motivated to write more.

This story focusses a lot on Sirius and Remus's relationship as friends, but also with the posibility of something more. I was wondering if anyone would like to see what happens after 'the hug.' Personally, I think it is an open invitation for them to tear each others clothes off, seeing as their all wet and stuff. (No, I'm not drooling on my keyboard, why ever would you think that) Eh, anyway, please let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

By Tomorrows Dust

Disclaimer: If anyone honestly believes that I own the whole of J.K's world, I suggest they find a shrink. I only own Sirius and Remus, didn't you know?

Anyway, it took me quite a while to update this. I wrote a second chapter twice, but it never came out right. I was trying to give too much introspection into their relationship, their feelings for each other, while I should have focused more on the 'action.' Which I did in this version. The rest just followed. I thought to myself, what would I like to read? And the answer was simple enough, I want some hot puppy-lovin! I'm completely dehydrated now, because I drooled so much while writing this. Hope you enjoy!

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The "hug" lasted decidedly longer than a hug between just friends should. Not that anyone was complaining, mind you.

From the moment they'd touched, all their doubts seemed to have gently flown right out of them. Outside of each others arms, nothing existed anymore. There was just them. No world, no rain, no fear, no regret, just an overwhelming sense of peace, of belonging.

Remus's touch on Sirius's lower back was like a tingling fire, spreading through his whole body, making even his hair stand on end.

Sirius had longed for this security, for Remus's warmth so badly all summer, maybe even his whole life now that he thought about it. And now that he finally had it, he didn't want to let go anymore.

The longer they held each other, the more they became aware of the heat pooling between them, making the air crackle and spark like there was electricity involved.

Sirius wanted to touch some skin, he wanted to kiss it, nip at it, suck on it, taste it until he could feel it in his every being. The urge was nearly too much to overcome.

Ironically enough, it was Remus who made the first move. Sirius was in the process of not-so inconspicuously brushing his trembling fingers over a little piece of tantalizing skin, right above the waistband of Remus's jeans, when a low keening sound reached his ears.

Remus had buried his face in Sirius's neck and inhaled deeply. This wonderful scent made him almost delirious, he just couldn't hold back little sounds of delight. He had to have more.

Ever so gently, Remus turned his head a bit, and set his lips over a tender piece of skin, where the shoulder and neck meet each other. Then he softly grazed his teeth over the spot, bit down a little and pulled on the skin.

Sirius had never in his wildest dreams imagined Remus to be so bold, but he definitely liked it.

Sirius's knees had acquired some kind of wobble syndrome and when he'd felt those teeth on that particular spot, that amazingly sensitive place, he got hard so fast that it was like magic.

And he moaned. Quite wantonly too, Remus would later say.

It was impossible to say who was in control at the moment, Remus or the wolf. There was a feral and wild air about him, but though Remus's eyes showed a lot of gold, there was something distinctly human in there too.

Sirius didn't particularly care, he was too busy being turned into jelly by Remus's skillful lips and teeth on every inch of his neck.

Suddenly, it wasn't enough to be this close. The kisses on the neck, the warm hands on his body, it wasn't satisfying anymore. So Sirius pushed Remus back a little, until they could see face to face.

There seemed to be a low rumble in Remus's chest and his eyes were burning, sending delicious goose bumps down Sirius's spine with just a look.

There were no questions, no hesitation what so ever. They felt somewhere deep inside them that the other wasn't going to pull back, that there would be no rejection.

So they finally leaned in and their lips met. Sirius's slightly chapped ones met with Remus's incredible soft ones, with a rough edge to it on the left side because a scar ran there.

It was a chaste kiss, both holding back, desperately holding on to the last shreds of their reign over their feelings. Gentle mouths rested against each other, barely brushing, but even that was nearly too much.

It had caused an explosion of heat and Remus made the low keening sound again, questioning.

_Can I have you, oh please, let me have you?_

It was so wolf-like, such an animal thing to do, but Sirius wasn't disgusted by it. In fact, it turned him on even more. This was the effect he had on Remus, the proud testosterone-fueled part of him shouted in awe and delight in the back of his mind.

He did this to Remus, for him, Remus dared to let the wolf surface. All for him. And there was also a part of him nearly crying because of this powerful burst of emotion inside, because Sirius knew that if he said stop, Remus would always listen.

No matter what, Sirius was given the choice and the fact that he didn't doubt it, that he didn't doubt that Remus would pull back if he wished it, that he didn't doubt it even one single second meant the world to him.

_Yes, you can have me. _

He didn't make Remus wait any longer, and pressed his lips more firmly to Remus's mouth, moving them gently. More heat gathered as their bodies pressed up against each other and their lip movements became more frenzied.

Remus started pushing Sirius off the road, away from the trunk, away from the puddles. They stepped onto a floor of soft pine needles, but neither of them noticed.

Sirius didn't even realize they had been moving, because all and any of his brain-activity had ceased the moment Remus had demanded entrance with his tongue. The weirdest places were sensitive now, constantly sending sparks in all directions, but mostly towards his crotch.

Sirius didn't know anything about place and time, or other silly things, like what was up and what was down, until his back met a tree.

Remus put his hands on Sirius's shoulders, holding him into place against the rough bark. He took one step back, scrutinizing his more-than-just-a-friend. Sirius had the distinct feeling that he was being assessed as prey, because that gaze was definitely predatory.

_"Ours, never let him go," the wolf commanded. _

Remus certainly had to admit that Sirius looked gorgeous like that, all wet and sticky, flushed and hot. And willing, so incredibly willing for him.

_"I won't, I promise. He'll be ours forever," Remus feverishly whispered back. _

Sirius stared, unsure of what Remus wanted from him. Then, in a flash of vindictive insight, he smiled a bit, leaned back against the hard bark of the tree, and spread his legs a little in an open invitation.

Nothing could have worked better to provoke Remus, or better yet, flood him with so many hormones that he couldn't see straight anymore.

Almost viciously, he slammed his body into Sirius's, groaning throatily and nipping at Sirius's jaw. In a strange contrast, he was extremely gentle when he placed his leg between Sirius's and nudged a little at the obvious bulge there. Sirius gasped and closed his eyes for a moment. The heat was overwhelming.

Remus nudged his leg against that vulnerable place again and Sirius had to lean his head back against the tree. He didn't want to make too many sounds, lest he make an idiot out of himself, but Remus made that simply impossible when he shoved his hand underneath Sirius's wet shirt and got a hold of a nipple.

Sirius didn't even know what to do with his hands anymore. The more insistently Remus pressed his leg against 'that place', the more desperately he wanted to hold onto something, to keep him a bit grounded.

Eventually, he settled for placing one hand on Remus's shoulder, digging his fingers in a little, and the other in Remus's hair, pulling none to gently on the locks.

Remus was mesmerized by the sight. Not a single one of his fantasies touched the image that he held before him now. He tried to burn the moment into his memories, to make it eternal, something that would last forever.

He pushed Sirius up against the tree a little more, trying to position them more comfortably.

Apparently, he did the right thing, because Sirius uttered a strangled moan, clamped his thighs down on Remus's leg and rolled his hips to start up a delicious rhythm.

Remus was rock-hard himself, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Sirius in favor of moving himself. It didn't matter if he didn't find any release right now, seeing Sirius like this meant so much more.

Remus held his body almost completely still, while Sirius rutted against his leg and made a lot of sounds in the back of his throat that he would later deny. Remus didn't want to move, having pressed their bodies flush and their faces brought close together.

In something almost akin to fascination, he looked at his friends face. Sirius was nearly incoherent now and yanked rather irregularly and a bit painful on Remus's hair. He didn't even know that he was doing it and Remus had to admit, somewhere in a deep dark corner of his mind, that he actually quite liked it.

Sirius's breath became more hurried, he was undisguised panting and his hips moved in a fast pattern. So close, he was so close.

Suddenly, he opened his grey eyes and stared straight back at Remus, being caught in an amber gaze. The gold was dancing again, always on the move.

That burning look sent him over the edge. He shuddered against Remus and his hips made a last couple of uncontrollable movements. Instead of using Remus's hair as some kind of outlet as he had done before, he used it now to bring Remus's head closer and kiss him.

Slowly, the kiss evolved from an openmouthed hot kiss, to a languid slow and gentle one.

After a while, Remus slowly let Sirius down from where he had pinned the other boy against the tree. Sirius was blushing with mortification when he realized how caught up he had been in the moment, and that Remus could apparently finish him off without too much effort.

When he looked down and spotted Remus's erection, he wanted to go and hide in a cave for the rest of his life. There he was, rutting against Remus's leg like some kind of dog (pun intended) and he hadn't even thought about Remus's pleasure.

"You didn't... did you want...", Sirius stammered.

But Remus smiled at him fondly and told him: "Not now, not here, we have time enough later." The smile changed to one of desire for a moment and Sirius shivered in anticipation.

Remus switched to mother-hen mode immediately. "You're completely soaked, completely cold, oh no, what if you get sick, we're gonna have to get you inside."

And with those memorable words, he grabbed the still shaky-legged Sirius and dragged him out onto the road again, on their way home.

Oh yes, Sirius was certainly in need of getting inside and some warming up. Hmm, perhaps a hot shower was in order. Two boys, one shower, no parents in sight? In both of their minds, that equaled a lot of fun.

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Author's notes: Did you like it, did you like it??? (I'm bouncing, incase you were wondering)

Of course you wanted to review, but just to help you along a bit, I'm turning my super-cute-irresistible-puppy-eyes on you that have you turned into a pudding-like substance within moments! Please review, you'll completely make my day.

Hmm, personally I have to admit that I like this forward Remus, but perhaps Sirius who takes control isn't such a bad idea either. Thoughts on that?

Everyone who reviewed the first chapter of Kiss of Rain, I love you!!! The response was overwhelming and I was hyperactive for days. Thank you so much, your comments mean the world to me, I really appreciate it.

Applause to the nice people who have send encouragements: Marauder's Mad, uathann, JK White, Lexxia, Kaet100, MoonyIsTheMan, Anne, Greenmaiden, Ignorant-Innocence, a is for action, Adica Finch, Annaiel, mokubahv, rekahneko, Gaby-Black, CaptainOats12, ProtegoNox, May Eve, MissMurder83, raneynr, IndigoNightandRayneStorm, Rye the Random.


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